     Christine Baker | Sunday, October 31, 1999 - 11:27 pm 
Nothing Down
I went to a couple of seminars
About real estate, nothing down,
And I learned how to pick up a telephone
And buy about half the town.
I sold my cars for the seminar fee,
But that doesn't bother me now,
For it won't be long till I'm rolling in dough
'Cause the Seminar's teaching me how.
"It's easy," they told me. "The suckers," they said,
"Are out there like sitting ducks,
And you don't have to pay them anything down.
Just promise a couple of bucks.
"And even supposing the day should arrive
When your payments are more than you make,
You don't have to worry 'cause everyone knows
That a genius can make a mistake.
"The smaller your offer, the better the chance
You can raise it and set up a deal,
For the sellers are busted and want to get out.
Just think of how good it will feel.
"To be rolling in money and run with the rich,
And your taxes are paid for ten years.
You can travel and party, or just hunt and fish,
Or relax with a couple of beers.
So I'm pounding the pavement, bound to succeed,
But I'm weary and feeling the stress.
And I'm seeking the sucker who's eager to sell,
But I'm tired on my road to success.
So much time has gone by, and I'm finding that I,
Foot-weary, am missing my cars,
But I finally found out where the suckers have gone.
They're all at the seminars.
- Hard Luck Harry
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When I was all packed and ready to head South, I made my final trip to the Arctic Circle Hot Springs Saloon to say good-bye to my new friends.
Not only did they serve delicious moose chilli, but they had just received a few copies of Hard Luck Harry's Alaska Barroom Ballads, Nursery Tales for Adult Males and Liberated Ladies.
They read to me "The Woodpecker" and I bought a copy. This is the first time in my life that I enjoy poetry. Every time I started reading, I ended up laughing. And as the regulars here know, I need laughs more than anything! So I just spoke with Harry and ordered 20 copies for my friends.
Anyway, Hard Luck Harry couldn't have expressed my opinion on real estate seminars any better.
Christine |
