     voigtkampff | Saturday, January 15, 2000 - 07:55 am 
I heard a very disturbing thing from a friend with a master's of psychology degree, and focus on health wellness. (Also she reads all the Williamson [I think that's the name] books).
People speak and listen in different languages. But even if you are not multi-lingual, you may do the same thing when conveying or perceiving LOVE. Why is it that if you listen to a couple having extreme problems, you will often hear one say "He/she doesn't love me. WHAT!!!! But I tell you all the time!"
Everyone seems to need love. Not to BE loved. But to FEEL that they are loved. Whatever the reason, insecurity or absence of self-love, this seems to be true.
But if you tell them, they may not preceive it; they need to be shown. But if you buy them things, flowers and power tools, they may not perceive it; they need to feel it. But it you have loads of sex and hold their hands always, they may not perceive it; they need to hear it. Back to the top.
A "high maintenance" person may just be someone who perceives and conveys love in a different language. So maybe YOU are the one who is wrong.
For simplicity, and without offense to the psychology students, let's call the languages - spoken, demonstrative and tactile.
Why not just learn your partner's language and make the sacrifice to speak. It's not like learning Chinese, right? I think it may be worse. At least if you learn another language, once you know it then you are golden. But if you convey love in a different manner than how you naturally perceive it, it would proably feel artificial. Plus you may resent your partner. Plus how do you know what language. Ask them? This should be something that shows on a TRW Dating Score: "Divorced. No children. Needs priceless artifacts to perceive love." |
| Voigtkampff | Friday, January 28, 2000 - 07:44 am
The January, 2000 Cosmopolitan (not mine) has an interesting article. One reader asked why men are often so awkward on the telephone. The response was that men have a hard time communicating verbally - that men are more comfortable "demonstrating" their feelings.
Most women are saying "no duh". As much as I (and others) want to believe that men and women are the same, I think that this helps to show that men and women are 2 very different subcultures. Duh again.
The problem is that when any of us visits another culture, we generally acknowledge the need to blend. When in France do as the French do, right? When we are in Europe do we insist on driving on the right side of the road? So why don't the 2 gender-based cultures agree to do as the other does?
Probably because it is neither clearly a male or female culture. I imagine that you would have the same problem if you suddely moved about 100 million Americans into France.
I live near Miami and find that in certain areas all of the street signs are in Spanish. I don't know where to go or where to turn. |
| Chris | Sunday, February 13, 2000 - 08:38 am
Dear Voigt Kamp: I think It's "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" I think it's absurd to study your lover from a textbook. Your'e right just talk to them and learn their language, what's so difficult about that? I speak so many languages right now, but mostly pig latin, from all the PIGS I dated! HA HA HA whatever |
