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     | Sunday, January 16, 2000 - 06:51 pm  No more Mr. Nice Guy At first I thought it was a satire, but I think it's for real: "For men who live outside of the Seattle/Tacoma area, Dr. Glover offers Long Distance Counseling via telephone and e-mail." http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/index.html "Dr. Robert Glover offers individual and couples counseling in his Federal Way, Washington office. Dr. Glover has been working with individuals and couples since 1979 and specializes in relationship issues, sexuality, addictions, and recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome." I don't know why I think this is funny.
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| | Monday, January 17, 2000 - 12:05 pm I still think it's satire. If it's not then all it is a doctor giving testosterone injections. It seems like even the women who like leather-clad bad boys eventually develop a taste for nice guys. At least judging from the complaints that I hear from women. But the doctor doesn't adress remedying "nice guy" attitudes. Just whimpy attitudes. I doubt that being nice, caring, sensitive and caring means that a man cannot resolve problems or deal with adversity. Just ask Hawkeye Pierce. But you're right. There is something funny about it. Wonder how many calls he gets.
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| | Monday, January 17, 2000 - 04:20 pm Up in the Alaskan bush I met this woman (45) who had been in a rather abusive relationship for 4 to 5 years. I couldn't believe the crap she took, most dogs get treated better than her. She'd bitch and complain constantly: "Why isn't he charming me any more????" I could only tell her to leave. She didn't. Their fights intensified. Eventually he threw her out of the camper. That's when she came knocking at my door around midnight, crying and bleeding. The next day I helped her move her stuff to her work. She only made minimum wage, but could have had free room and board there. The very next day she had moved back with him. Go figure.
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| | Monday, January 17, 2000 - 04:23 pm Oh, forgot to mention, she wasn't Alaskan, but from South Florida.
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| | Monday, January 17, 2000 - 06:01 pm OK, I got a good laugh out of that. Are you making fun of me? What is really sad is that I hear that there is very strong ratio of men to women in Alaska. So women should have their choice of men there. Look who they choose. I have an late-20ish female acquaintance who is not only bubbly and intelligent, striking, exotic, objectively attractive, and is also a workout fiend at 5'9". She had a long relationship with a masseur (who still charged her for the massages!!) and who insisted that the woman he lived with was just a platonic friend, and who would never go out in public and be seen with her. Yes love is blind. She believed it. Moved to Alaska and immediately hooked up with (chose) a younger guy without a job who lived off her money. Last I heard she was getting married after a few months of dating. I want a vote here Christine. I think that I have you beat. Can we point out some male mistakes for a change. (I'd rather not reveal my own). I feel like we are picking on women.
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| | Monday, January 17, 2000 - 07:37 pm maybe there's something in the Alaskan waters... Great book to read is Enchanted Love by Marianne WIlliamson... promise you'll love it!
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| | Monday, January 17, 2000 - 08:35 pm I couldn't understand the guy in the relationship above either. Her constant whining and nagging would have driven me nuts. She got stoned as soon as she got up in the morning because the estrogen in her birth control pills gave her morning sickness. She DID go to work and cook and clean and all, was by no means lazy. But sometimes she reminded me of those women with lobotomies. No intellect or interests other than her guy and the gold he was going to find. Any year now. He told me HIS side of the story: Everything from her false accusations of abuse landing him in jail to restraining orders. And here's his description of the events leading to her knocking on my door at midnight: They were helping build a house with a bunch of other guys and he got drunk. It's true that he doesn't drink, he usually knows better. He was so drunk he let her drive and he passed out on the short ride home. All he wanted to do was sleep. So there he was on the bed, naked, passing out. She was nagging again and he ignored her, barely conscious. She took the kitchen knife and stabbed him in the foot. He got pissed, jumped outta bed, picked her up by her pants and her hair, opened the door and threw her out of the camper. Locked the door, and finally got to sleep. One of the other miners told me he really did have a pretty good cut. Who knows what really happened. They both had spent hours telling me how awful the other person is and all the terrible things they'd done to each other over the last few years. Maybe they were made for each other? And he isn't Alaskan either, from Massachusetts. I guess my point is that a lot of people just LIKE to complain. And not just about s/o's, they complain about their job, the government, the neighbors. Yet, they just don't seem to mean it. They usually don't get beyond complaining, even with lots of opportunities to actually DO something.
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| | Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 02:54 pm So much for your theory about men liking women who are lobotomized. Thank god he was only a miner, and not a lumberjack who slept with a chainsaw next to his bed. There is a rule in the law. Never keep tools, power or otherwise, near the bed. Its called the Wayne Bobbit law. It's more of a guideline really.
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| | Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 04:35 pm Regarding the lobotomized women, I think it's important to understand that the husbands noted an *improvement.* Maybe they've been abused and attacked by their pre-lobotomy wives. Just heard this story about a Candadian who got along so well with locals in Mexico, he was offered the 28 yr old (never kissed) daughter of one of the important people in town. The Canadian accepted, they spend the summers in Canada, and he's NOT teaching her English. I find it interesting that some American men go for the mail order wives from Asia and in recent years eastern European countries. I never hear of women mail ordering husbands. Isn't there at least ONE web site?
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| | Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 07:00 pm Robin, an ex gave me a Williamson cassette tape. A hint maybe. I haven't listened to it yet. I am truly interested in whether the mail order thing is just an American male problem. How many of the male-female problems are unique to American culture?
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| | Tuesday, January 18, 2000 - 07:39 pm I wouldn't necessarily call it a problem. Americans got the dollars to pick and choose what they want. I believe I've seen ads for Asian wives in Germany too. I remember a Lebanese friend who had to marry some guy she never met before, back in the early 80's. That surprised me because she had been working at a travel agency and was quite educated and emanzipated. But at least she got to be the only wife. And it wasn't a sale, just a family arrangement. In the States women now have a lot of legal rights. But not that long ago marriages were arranged here too, and it might still happen today occasionally. I can see why some men prefer to buy somebody who doesn't know anyone here, doesn't speak the language, and is completely dependent. I suspect it makes life a lot simpler. No arguments, no questions, no nagging .... just 100% control.
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| | Monday, March 27, 2000 - 05:18 pm I wish we lived in a society that still had arranged marriages. That way everyone who wanted marriage could have it. the way things are now you have to play games and pretend you aren't really looking to get married or else you look desperate. why is it that if you want a job you look in the paper/or web and then you can apply but if you want to get married there is no place to go where you can find other people who WANT to get married.
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| | Tuesday, April 04, 2000 - 11:26 am I think that everyone who wants a marriage can have it. But only if they are willing to settle for a horrible one. If we drop our standards enough we can all marry quickly enough. An arranged marriage is a pretty low aspiration. But you were probably just being funny. I don't think that there is a problem at all in finding other people who want to be married. The problem is in finding someone who wants to marry us! I still meet people in their 40s who think that marriage is defined by how good the sex is. Even if the sex is good, it's still an improper focus, and the sex may distract people from the fact that they are horrible together. This is why being divorced looks good on a dating resume. Maybe the divorcee has learned what matters and what does not. A more real problem is the game playing. But can we really criticize that? Wouldn't it be hypocritical? Don't we all play games ourselves. To use your example, if you met someone and your little voice told you that they were desperate, would you jump at the chance to marry? I would not. I would wonder if their desperation was making them rush into an ill-considered relationship that would end in a year, hurting both of us. And if someone seemed too desperate to get married wouldn't you wonder why? Not to be too cynical, but: (1) Are they pregnant? (2) Expecting some nice medical or other bills sometimes soon? (3) Needed a place to live? And that is only on the surface. To get more profound, why are they looking so hard to find love without? Is it because there is no love within? Maybe we do not put it into words, but some of these things probably come to mind when someone seems too desperate. It might even come to your mind or my own.
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| | Monday, April 10, 2000 - 03:55 pm I host international students in my home. I am very partial to the Asians because they have very good manners and are over all excellent house guest. I would assume that men like the Asian women for this very reason. They seem to like to go out of their way to please you. I go to school with this girl whose parents are both doctors. They are from India and are in the process of arranging a marriage for her. She gets some say so in the arrangement. She gets to meet the guy and go out on a couple chaparoned dates. She told me she was thrilled over an arranged marriage because it takes away a lot of stress and her parents know her real well and wouldn't pick someone she doesn't like. I might add that I don't think this girl could otherwise find a suitable husband. She displays some schisofrinc (spelling) and austistic behaviors. She will make a very obediant and very well educated housewife, but I doubt she has the ability to hold down a job.
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