     Morgan Appel (Downinsocal) | Monday, August 14, 2000 - 07:47 am 
I have been fortunate enough to come upon a comprehensive listing of qualifications that are necessary to acquire the position of collection agent. Please pass on to friends (or enemies) who may take a shine to this career:
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Your future awaits in the customer service industry! Do not let lack of formal education, work experience, or teeth prevent you from moving forward. A career in professional collections can be yours!
REQUIRED:
* Ability to leaf through pages and read highlighted lines with some mastery of English.
* Must be able to contact clients at all hours.
* Mastery of common phrases: "That's illegal," "You don't know what you are talking about," "We're gonna get you!"
* Ability to manipulate telephonic equipment (press speed dial)
* Be able to quote from popular television shows: LA Law, Perry Mason, Law and Order (fake legalese)
PREFERRED:
* Bipolar or sociopathic disorders
* Heavy, almost indistinguishable accents
* Disbarred attorneys
* Former school bullies
Don't delay! A padded chair in a smoke filled room, replete with other professionals (phone sex operators and telemarketers) is waiting for you! |
